Healing from the effects of a narcissistic parent requires forgiveness. When we forgive we find healing. When we grow in the love of Messiah we stop allowing ourselves to fall victim to abusive people. Love gives us strength and power over our enemy since when we love them we never retaliate. When we do the things back to them they did to us, we have become their victim and we are no better than them.
I want to say, that I am not here to bash people with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). I reveal things about the psyche of such people to educate those hurt by these types of people.
Growing in love heals our damaged emotions. It also protects us from being hurt again. Many people build up defense mechanisms, however this is a carnally induced reaction in a poor attempt to protect ourselves. It still causes us to react wrongly when bad things happen to us again. When we love our enemies they no longer have power over us and we do not need defense mechanisms. The power of love protects us and removes all fear we once had.
In this way, love is made perfect among us, so that we should have boldness on the Day of Judgment. For just as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and the one who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love, because He first loved us. 1 John 4:17-19 TLV
The narcissist abuses his children then when the children tell people about it the narcissist makes them out to be the bad guy. If you do not teach your children love, don’t expect them to love you either. The narcissist will try to make you second guess yourself. They bring confusion and deception. Not only do they deceive others, they even deceive themselves.
When a narcissistic dad claims he can’t do anything with his son I want to ask him, okay, so who’s fault is that? When you humiliate him, abuse him and put fear in his heart, no, you can’t do anything with him and it’s not his fault. Go look in the mirror.
“Daddy, why did I hang in there longer than my other siblings who cut you off a long time ago? Maybe because I at least had enough love, enough hope to think you might wake up. I’m sorry, I tried too hard for someone who hurt me deeply. Only Messiah can do the work. You thought you knew what I was thinking and said I was thinking I would get you when you are old. You said I would never be able to. Do you know what Daddy? I can now, but that was never my thought and it isn’t my thinking now. I know I can over power you now but that is not part of me. Forgiveness is in my heart because if I were to hurt you like you did me I would become like you. When I was young I told myself I never want to be like you. You see, I already had it figured out because it is not within me to hurt my family as you did yours. I forgive you Daddy, you were stuck in your mentality and didn’t know any better. I still pray for you and hope Elohim our Father in Heaven will heal you and open your eyes.” Quote from DaddyWhy.love
In the past people with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) were thought to simply have a personality disorder. However, since more study has been done we know these people, although victims of their own past, cannot be cured. NPD is now understood to not only be brain damage, but mental illness as well. These people actually suffer from low self esteem even though they hide behind a facade that projects something different. They are basically little children in an adult body.
People with NPD didn’t develop the paths in their brain in developmental years (2-4 years) to give them empathy. The sad part is you see many men with NPD as Pastors. They see the role of Pastor as a leadership position and become pastors for that main reason. They will never teach that men are to become servants but rather “leaders of men.” The churches and denominations they serve in are blind to this fact, else they would not have ordained them. People with NPD are hostile and scripture tells us not to be involved with angry men. It also tells us that a man who is soon angry is not fit to guide the congregation.
One with a short temper acts foolishly, and one with crafty schemes is hated. Proverbs 14:17 TLV
Do not be friends with one given to anger or associate with a hot-tempered person, lest you learn his ways, and entangle your soul in a snare. Pro 22:24,25 TLV
The reason I left you in Crete was so that you would set in order the things that remain and appoint elders in every city as I directed you— if anyone is blameless, the husband of one wife, having children of faith with no charge of wild living or rebellion. For the overseer must be blameless as God’s administrator—not arrogant, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not violent, not greedy for dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, loving what is good, self-controlled, upright, devout, disciplined. Tit 1:5-8
If you are a victim of a parent with NPD you can come out of the effects. I recommend seeking counseling with a Pastor/Psychologist. I was one of those victims and I know Elohim can heal you if this has been your experience as well. You will come out stronger and better as you heal. But never harbor bitterness against your abuser. As Yeshua our Messiah and Stephen said when they were being murdered, “Father, forgive them they don’t know what they are doing.” When you forgive rather than trying to get even, you become the better person.
When I was young, I confess I wanted to somehow get even with my dad. When I came to Messiah and was baptised, I prayed the Father would heal him. I let go of the past to forgive and seek the Father’s love. Walking in love is the only true way to live our lives.
Instead of being critical of people when I see faults, I have learned to overlook such things. And at times may ask them why they do a certain thing. This can either help me understand them better, or if they are not in line with scripture allow me to lovingly share a better perspective with them. The love of Messiah transforms us and gives us an entirely new mindset. On love hangs all the Torah and the Prophets. Embrace the love of Messiah and be healed my friend.
Bless those who persecute you – bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14 TS2009